Now or Never Page 18

  “I’m glad you didn’t.”

  With a faint whisper of hope in her voice she asked, “Really?”

  He nodded. “Thanks for coming to see me.”

  The door burst open and Megan came through the door holding a tray.

  Grayson shifted beneath her feet uncomfortable and not sure what to do. Talk about awkward. She still had his hand in hers, and she didn’t want to let go.

  “Thanks Megan. Why don’t you go back to your room? I want to visit with Grayson for a few more minutes and then get some sleep.”

  Megan narrowed her eyes at Grayson as she set the tray down. “I got your favorites.”

  “Thank you.”

  Megan stood there for a moment and then turned to grab her jacket off the back of a chair. “I’ll be back in the morning then,” she said in a rather bitchy tone.

  “You really should go home Megan. There is nothing you can do here.”

  “I want to be here.”

  “My parents are going to arrive tomorrow. And I’d prefer not to have anyone else here.”

  Megan looked down at the floor. “OK. Well, I’ll come have breakfast with you before I leave.”

  “That’s fine.”

  She hesitated like she wanted to say something, but turned and walked out the door.

  Derrick closed his eyes and sighed. “I wish she’d never shown up.”

  “I’m so confused Derrick. I don’t know what to believe anymore. You have me questioning what I see right in front of my face.”

  “I’m sorry. It’s really not what it looks like.”

  “You keep saying that, but offer no explanation. I was warned you were a ladies’ man, but why is it always the same girl? It makes no sense.”

  “She’s a friend. And unfortunately, she feels more for me than I do her. That’s all I’m going to say about this right now.”

  Grayson wanted to press the issue, but kept her mouth shut. They could sort this mess out later for now she was just happy that he wanted her there, and not Megan.

  “I’m tired Gray. My brain hurts. I keep going over what happened in my mind. Could I have done something different? Why did Andrews die and not me? I know everyone’s life has an expiration date. It’s just hard to come to terms with it all.”

  Grayson looked over at Derrick and felt her heart lurch. The pain in his expression was difficult to see. How could she be so selfish when he was obviously in turmoil?

  CHAPTER 33

  Dressed in a dark charcoal dress Grayson made her way down the aisle searching for a seat. There were so many people and even camera crews. Military funerals were enough to pull at anyone’s heart strings. Ethan saw her and waved her over. He looked so handsome in his dress blues. Why hadn’t she thought about Ethan being there? Probably because she had been incapable to think clearly since Derrick had been injured. Hell, she hadn’t been able to think straight since the day she laid eyes on Derrick.

  She was grateful to see a familiar face. Grayson made her way over and sat in between her brother and Marcus. Seeing her brother made her feel better. She was a ball of nerves all morning.

  “I didn’t even know you were back,” she whispered.

  “Only Marcus and I could come to the funeral the others had to stay back. Luna told me you were in DC, but I didn’t expect to see you here.”

  “I just felt like I should be here.”

  Marcus leaned over and whispered, “Look who’s coming.”

  They all turned, and Grayson’s mouth dropped open. Derrick was being wheeled down the lawn. An IV bag was hung above him, and he looked very weak. He was in his uniform, and had shaved. Grayson wanted to jump up and run to him, but Ethan grabbed her hand and squeezed it. “He needs to do this alone,” he said in a low voice. Grayson nodded she knew he was right. It was not her place to be by his side.

  Her eyes were glued to him as he was pushed to the front. A beautiful woman stood up and walked over to him. She was tall, slim with long dark hair, and was holding a baby.

  “Andrews’s wife,” Marcus whispered.

  Grayson felt like she was prying seeing the exchange. The woman leaned down to hug Derrick, and stood up and wiped her eyes. Grayson was moved by the woman’s strength. It couldn’t be easy seeing Derrick knowing he was alive, and her husband was gone. The same thing was probably running through Derrick’s mind. Her heart ached for him.

  She took the wheel chair from the nurse and pushed him to the front beside her. It was a touching moment, and Grayson realized her cheeks were wet.

  ***

  The next-day Grace was antsy sitting around the empty hotel room. She decided to go back to the hospital before she drove home. As much as she wanted to be there she knew she was not welcome, and it was rude of her to have intruded on Derrick out of her own selfish need to see him. She didn’t approach him at the funeral or even later that day. She knew he needed to be with his family and friends. Sadly, she didn’t seem to fit into either category.

  She pushed through the door and was relieved to see that he was alone. She didn’t think she could handle another run-in with Megan, and it would be strange to meet his parents. She stared at him for a minute her throat tightening with affection.

  “Hey,” Derrick said. He looked up and clicked the remote and turned off the TV.

  She walked over and stood next to his bed. “How are you doing?”

  He shrugged. “Not so great. Yesterday was rough.”

  She sat down in a chair next to him and pulled it closer to the bed. “I could tell his wife appreciated you showing up.”

  “You were there? I didn’t see you.”

  “I didn’t think it was right to approach you.”

  He just nodded.

  Grayson sat in silence not sure what to say. The only noise was the steady hum of the fluorescent lights, and an occasional beep of the machines attached to him.

  “Thanks for coming. I know I told you not to, but I’m glad you did.”

  “Really? I thought you were still mad at me.”

  “I am, but not for coming here. I would have done the same thing if the situation had been reversed.”

  That brought a smile to her face. “How long are you going to be here?”

  “A couple of months at least; I have a lot of rehab to get through.”

  “Do you want me to stay? I haven’t started school yet.”

  He shook his head no. “I need to be alone. I have a lot of stuff going on in my head; I need to get it all sorted out. When I get back we’ll sit down and talk.”

  She could feel tears starting to form so she tried to blink them back. She didn’t want him to see her cry. “I understand. I’m going to drive back today.”

  “Gray. How did you know I was hurt? I’ve heard some stuff, but I’m not sure if the guys were pulling my leg or not.”

  She shifted on the seat uncomfortably as she watched a play of emotions cross his face. “I just knew.”

  “What do you mean you just knew?”

  “I don’t know it’s weird. My mother says everyone has the ability, but they don’t listen to the vibrations from the earth. Kind of like when someone walks into a bad situation and the hair on the back of their neck stands up. Or for some reason, a person decides to take the back way home instead of their normal path and misses being in an accident. I just sometimes know things like that. I never tell anyone because it makes me sound like a freak.”

  He gave her a half smile that melted her heart and said, “It is kind of freaky. You’ve never told anyone?”

  “Well, my family obviously knows. It’s been happening since I was a child.”

  “What about your ex?”

  Grayson shook her head no. “He thinks anything that is not explainable is stupid.”

  “He’s an idiot. So tell me exactly what happened.”

  “Well, I was just going about my day as normal and suddenly your name screamed through my head, and I felt like crying. My stomach dropped causing my heart to race rapid
ly. I started calling around trying to find out what happened, but at first no one would tell me anything. It’s happened to me before, but only with people I’m close to. I thought you were dead.”

  “I guess I was, briefly anyway.”

  She tilted her head and asked what she was sure everyone else had already asked, “Did you see a white light?”

  “Not that I recall. I do know I woke up thinking about you. I reached for the pendant, and it was gone.”

  “You got the pendant? I didn’t know if you saw it or would know it was from me.”

  “I knew.” He smiled sadly. “Who else would think to get me the perfect present? Marcus says the pendant saved my life.”

  “And here I was thinking it was Marcus, I had to thank,” Grayson grinned.

  “Maybe it was a bit of both.” Derrick closed his eyes, “I was so pissed at you.”

  “I still don’t understand why you were mad.” Grayson pulled at the edge of her sweater.

  “I can’t talk about this now. I’m starting to get pissed just thinking about it.”

  “I’m sorry.” She looked up at the monitor, and his heart rate was elevated.

  “If you had just shown up before you left…”

  “Seriously, not now Grayson I beg you. I don’t want to say something I’ll regret.”

  “You’re right.” Grayson stood up and leaned over the bed. Lightly, she touched her lips to his. His lips were cracked and dry, but they felt so good. He parted his mouth, and Grayson ran her hand down the side of his face. He was going to have a lot of scars, but to her, he had never looked more beautiful. She pulled away, “I guess I should go.”

  “Do you have to leave right now?” He asked surprising her.

  “Nope. I’m driving so it doesn’t matter when I leave,” Grayson answered him and smiled hesitantly. Did he want her to stay?

  “As much as I would love to ravish your body, that’s not going to happen.” Derrick gave her a crooked grin. “But, I wouldn’t mind the company.”

  Grayson lowered herself back into the seat. Hopefully, this was a positive sign. Maybe they had a chance of working this out after all.

  “What are you watching?”

  “CSI. I’ve never seen it before I got in here and they’re having a marathon.”

  “I haven’t seen it either. I don’t really watch much TV.”

  “Me neither. I’d rather read over watching TV any day.”

  Grayson looked around and didn’t see any books. She would stop in the gift shop and grab some for him before she left.

  “Can you get that bag in the corner?”

  Grayson looked over and there was a black duffle bag on the floor. She stood up and collected it and set it on the side of his bed.

  “The guys grabbed the stuff out of my room and sent it over. I got you something.”

  “You got me something in Afghanistan?” She asked eyes wide.

  He winced as he rummaged through the bag. He pulled out a huge chunk of lapis lazuli.

  “Oh my god Derrick! It’s gorgeous!”

  He held it out for her, and she grabbed it.

  “How did you know?” She ran her hand over the rough blue and gold rock.

  “You said you started your degree for Geology, so I figured you’d like it. And I saw all the crystals in your room. When we arrived, one of the guys from the other team had a bunch of them. I guess they found them in caves. I grabbed one for you.”

  “Get out of here! They found them inside caves?” Grayson couldn’t stop running her hands over the rough stone. “Did you know lapis is the stone of truth?”

  “I did not.”

  “Well it is. It’s supposed to bring harmony to relationships. In the middle east, it’s believed to have magical powers.”

  “Interesting.”

  “You have no idea how much this means to me. Thank you.” Grayson leaned down and kissed him again. “It’s my new favorite.”

  Derrick sort of grunted and looked away his jaw clenched.

  “What was that for?” She wondered what she had said that bothered him.

  “Favorite? Are you sure about that? From the sounds of it, Navy boy is your new favorite.”

  “That guy was an obnoxious idiot. I was just trying to piss you off.”

  “Well, it worked. So are you saying he didn’t have a ten-inch cock or fucked you like you belonged to him? I believe those were your exact words.”

  Grayson felt her face flush, and she couldn’t meet his eyes.

  “That’s what I thought.”

  “Derrick, he meant nothing. I never even kept in touch with him.”

  He leaned back and closed his eyes. “I can’t talk about this right now.”

  “I didn’t mean to upset you, but we’re going to have to talk about all of this at some point.”

  “And I told you we would. Just not right now.”

  “Alright. Well, I really do love the lapis lazuli.”

  “I’m glad you like it.”

  “I love it.”

  Derrick scooted to the side. “Get up here.”

  “Are you sure? I don’t want to pull out your IV or anything.”

  He held his arm up, and Grayson climbed into the bed with him. They were pretty squished, but she wouldn’t be anywhere else. She laid her head on his chest, and they watched television for hours.

  By his heavy breathing, Grayson realized Derrick had dozed off. Quietly, she slid off the bed.

  She nudged him, and his eyes fluttered open. “I’m going to go. Thank you for allowing me to visit.”

  Derrick squeezed her hand. “I’ll keep in touch. “

  “I hope so.” Grayson leaned down and kissed him. She hurried down the hall to the gift shop and grabbed a handful of new release novels, and a few snacks.

  By the time she got back to his room he was back to sleep. She wrote him a quick note. Hurry home, Gray.

  CHAPTER 34

  Two months later, the doorbell rang while Grayson was in the middle of writing a paper for school. She was as irritated at the interruption as she was relieved for it. Even if it was someone selling something, it was a distraction to get her eyes off the screen for a few minutes. School was fun, but it was a lot of work.

  Grayson set her computer down and stretched before crossing the living room to open the door.

  Nothing could have prepared her for Derrick standing on the other side.

  She covered her mouth, breathless at the sight of him. He was still leaner than before the accident, but he looked great. His hair was slightly longer, and his face was covered in stubble, hiding most of the scars on his face. His eyes were intense as ever, and maybe a little apprehensive. Not a look she was used to seeing on him.

  She hesitated before taking a step back and holding open the door. He brushed passed her and went into the living room.

  “Is your mother home?” He looked around, his watchful gaze taking in the small house.

  “She’s gone for the weekend. Yoga retreat, again.”

  One of the cats wrapped itself around his legs, purring. He leaned down to pet it, avoiding her eyes as he said softly, “We need to talk.”

  Grayson’s heart pounded. She took a deep breath before she replied, “I agree.”

  They were silent as Grayson settled onto the couch, and Derrick took an armchair next to her. The space between them felt like a void.

  Derrick spoke first. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking over the past two months. Well, hell, the past four months.”

  “Me too—”

  Derrick cut her off. “Let me finish. If I don’t get this out now, I might never. This isn’t easy for me.”

  Crossing her legs on the couch, Grayson turned towards Derrick, giving him her complete attention. She wondered if he was about to dump her, then berated herself because it wasn’t like they were exactly a couple. She wasn’t sure she could handle that, but they needed to figure something out. They couldn’t go on like they had been.

 
“I haven’t been honest with you.”

  Her heart dropped. She knew it. All the evasiveness, not to mention seeing him with that blonde chick…Grayson forced herself to meet his eyes.

  “I live with Megan, but I wasn’t lying when I said she wasn’t my girlfriend.”

  Anger rose in her chest. “What the hell does that mean?”

  “Let me back up and try to explain.”

  “Please do.” Grayson spat back as she crossed her arms and leaned back on the couch cushion. A million thoughts were racing through her mind as she waited for him to continue. Had their whole relationship been one big lie? Did he ever have feelings for her? Was she just another notch on his belt?

  “I met Megan a couple of years ago. She’s on our racing team. Most races need a female, so we put an ad out on the Internet, and she replied. At first, it was just training, but then one thing led to another, and we started a sexual relationship. She was more into me then I was with her. But, I was upfront that we weren’t exclusive, and she was fine with that. Or at least she claimed to be. It wasn’t until recently she’s been acting crazy.” He paused. “After I met you.”

  “Years?” Grayson stared at him in disbelief. “You’ve been with her for two years, and you don’t consider her your girlfriend? How long have you lived together?” She almost felt bad for the girl. Almost.

  “A few months.”

  “And you’re still having sex with her?”

  “Rarely.”

  Grayson clenched her jaw briefly, tempted to throttle him. “Rarely. Oh, well, that makes everything okay.”

  “You’re not one to toss stones. You haven’t exactly been ‘Miss Innocent’ in all of this. I recall you leaving with two men at bars, and not to mention the SEAL.”

  “But I was honest with you. You lied to me. Looked me straight in the face and lied to me. Over and over again,” Grayson’s voice rose with each word she spoke.

  “Calm down, Gray. I’m trying to be honest with you, and it’s not easy. I’ve never been one to explain myself to others. I only moved in with her because I was getting deployed for three months, my lease was getting ready to run out, and I would only be back in the states for three months before I left again. She offered her place, and I accepted. It seemed like a good idea at the time. It saved me money, and I didn’t have to keep putting stuff in storage. It was an arrangement. That was how I saw it. An arrangement and nothing more.”