Now or Never Read online

  Her new place would look like that.

  In the living room, she grabbed her photo albums from the bookshelf and threw them in the backpack that held her laptop. She couldn’t leave them behind when they held so many childhood memories.

  From the TV stand, she grabbed two small picture frames—one of her with her twin sister, and the second of a couple of friends from school. By the light of the television, Grayson stared down at the picture of her friends. She used to be so close to her group of girlfriends, but Josh got jealous if she spent time with anyone else, so she pulled away from the friends that she once treasured more than anything. How could she have been so stupid?

  I gave up so much of my life, what made me happy, for Josh. Grayson felt like such a fool.

  Maybe she was the one that needed counseling, she told herself as she slipped both frames in her backpack. Her psycho fiancé carried a gun, for crying out loud, and he had on more than one occasion threatened to kill her and then himself. Why hadn’t she listened to her grandmother? Nanny had told her Josh was no good. Grayson had a feeling she was watching down from heaven, rooting for her to run.

  One more stop in the kitchen, where she yanked a post-it note off the fridge and rummaged in the junk drawer for a pen.

  She bit her lip. What words did you use to say good-bye to a man who’d consistently threatened and abused you?

  Josh,

  I can’t do this anymore. Don’t look for me. We’re done. If you come near me again, I will have a restraining order on you so fast your head will spin.

  G

  Grayson slapped the note to the kitchen table next to a sticky circle of dried beer, took off the engagement ring, and set it on top of the note. He never really wanted to get married. The only reason he’d given her a ring was so everyone would know she was taken.

  Talk about a warning sign. Grayson seriously wanted to smack herself on the head for missing all of these signs.

  She shut off all the lights as she passed through the apartment, grabbed her bag and backpack, and opened the door.

  The moonless, starless night sky seemed to stretch forever beyond the balcony. Grayson took a deep breath of dry, hot air scented with her downstairs neighbor’s flowers.

  With one last look over her shoulder into the darkness she was leaving behind, Grayson pulled the door shut with a bang and didn’t bother to lock it—which would piss off Josh. He hated when she didn’t lock the doors, or clean the dishes right after eating, or…hell, just about anything she did was wrong. She’d never been able to please him—except in the bedroom. The only place they had ever seemed to get along, and even that had lost its appeal long ago.

  Grayson walked with purpose to the staircase. In 3C, she heard canned laughter from the television, and the usual smell of Thai food drifted through the door at 3E. If anyone heard her heavy footsteps on the shared balcony, no one came to the door or peeked through the curtains.

  Just as well. Grayson didn’t want long good-byes or sympathetic eyes from people she barely knew, but who knew what her life had been like in that apartment.

  Her beat-up old Jeep waited in her parking spot, dusty and sun-worn. Grayson tossed her bags in the back before sliding in the driver’s seat.

  A slow smile spread across her face as she pulled out of the lot, signaling to turn left on the highway.

  Goodbye, Arizona.

  She didn’t look back.

  CHAPTER 3

  Ten miles down the road, the smile on Grayson’s face disappeared, replaced by absent-minded lip biting. Her eyes flicked between the road and the rearview mirror. Every glimpse she caught of her oval freckled face framed by unbrushed strawberry-blonde hair made her jump; she looked haunted. She looked like a crazy person.

  What if he was watching her now? What if the set of headlights behind her Jeep was his mustang? She wouldn’t put anything past him. He was going to freak when he found out she left him.

  Grayson’s heart seized. She clenched the steering wheel and forced herself to take three big breaths, letting them out slowly and counting the seconds. She was being paranoid. Josh was at work.

  Calm down, she willed herself. You can do this.

  As if right on cue, her phone rang. ‘You Give Love a Bad Name’ by Bon Jovi— Josh’s ring tone. Her twin sister had swapped the ring tones on her last visit, over six months ago. She looked down at the illuminated screen and grimaced. Nothing out of the ordinary; he always called to check up on her. It didn’t mean he’d gone home early.

  He doesn’t know.

  She stared at the phone as it vibrated in the cup holder, dancing in a circle around the edge like a living thing. Should she answer it?

  Don’t answer. Her heart rate increased with every ring.

  He called three times, back to back. Halfway through the second time, Grayson switched on the radio and cranked up the music, not even caring what station it was on; some kind of loud, thrashing heavy-metal band. It soon reminded her of Josh, so she quickly changed it.

  When the screen went dark on her phone, she let out a breath, blowing hair away from her face as she sank against the seat. Maybe his break was over, and he wouldn’t call back.

  Her phone buzzed once, the screen bursting to life again, and Grayson felt like she either wanted to cry or scream. She looked down at the text message: Why aren’t you answering your phone?

  If she replied, it would give her more time to get out of town. All she’d have to do is say she was in the bathroom when he called. He would buy it, although, she wouldn’t put it past the psycho to have some kind of GPS tracking on her phone. Just the thought of him doing that almost made her jerk the wheel around and aim back home.

  Stop it, she told herself, banging the steering wheel with both hands.

  Flustered, she turned down the music, missing the knob twice before she finally made contact.

  The phone rang again, and Grayson jumped with a shriek.

  Her mind stilled. She grabbed the phone, rolled down the window, and tossed it into the night.

  “Fuck you, Josh!” she yelled sticking her head partially out of the window. Grayson felt a calm wash over her as she sat back in her seat and laughed.

  For the first time in three years, she felt like a huge weight had been lifted from her shoulders. She finally felt free to be herself, and it felt fucking amazing.

  She recognized the song that came on: one of her favorite Travis Tritt tunes. Josh hated country music, especially the songs she liked, so she turned it up louder. Oh yeah, Grayson thought, fucking amazing.

  A few more miles passed until the reality of the situation started to creep into Grayson’s head. Where in the world was she going to go? All she knew was she was on the highway and headed east. She didn’t have much money and was in the middle of college, so she had no real skills. It hit her that she could go anywhere she wanted; she never felt so alive. She could get a job waitressing or work in a bookstore. All that mattered was that she was free.

  As long as Josh doesn’t find me, Grayson thought. She couldn’t help it she was still scared of that poor excuse of a man. And that really pissed her off.

  She knew he would look for her. What better reason to reinvent herself? She was twenty-one years old, and she was about to start a new life. The thought both terrified and excited her at the same time.

  Maybe I should call Mom, she thought, glancing at the clock. It was only nine; she’d still be up, probably watching the news. She needed to tell her mother that she was okay, because Josh would call her when he couldn’t find Grayson. He’d done it before, managing to scare the crap out of her mother.

  Her mom lived in Tennessee, where she’d recently moved to be closer to her brother and his family. Ethan was a soldier, married with two kids. His wife, Heather, was sweet, but there was no denying her OCD tendencies. Grayson tried to remember the last time she’d seen any of them. It was well over a year since she had seen her brother’s face.

  Josh always insisted they spend
the holidays with his family. A wave of sadness washed over her when she thought about her twin sister, Luna. They used to be inseparable, and now they barely even spoke, except for the occasional text messages.

  My brother isn’t a fan of Josh, either, Grayson thought, rolling her eyes. Note to self: If your family hates your boyfriend, there is probably a good reason behind it.

  Grayson didn’t want to return to her family for good. She needed her independence, but she could definitely visit. Take a break; maybe save up some money before she left for someplace better. Either way, she did need to call her mom before Josh did.

  She reached for the cup holder—and realized she no longer had a phone.

  “Oops,” she said, and laughed again. The phone call would have to wait.

  Grayson drove for hours until she felt like her eyes were going to cross. She passed a sign that said, “Albuquerque – 20 miles” and figured it’d be better to stop before she reached the city. A brightly lit exit loomed closer: gas stations, hotels, fast food, and a giant Wal-Mart. She took the off-ramp and pulled into a Days Inn.

  As the engine cooled, Grayson leaned her head against the seat rest and stared into the empty lobby. It was the dead of night; other than the clerk behind the desk, nobody else was in sight. She’d never stayed at a hotel on her own before. It looked a little seedy, but she was too tired to drive any further.

  A bell rang when she pushed through the door. The lobby was clean, at least, though the walls could use a new paint job and the coffee smelled days old. Grayson walked up to the counter, nose wrinkling as she took in the clerk’s appearance.

  He wore the typical staff uniform of a button-down and khakis, but had a huge beer gut that hung over his pants, completely concealing his belt. His hair was curly, and he had a bushy mustache with some kind of white stuff in it. He gave her a once over, his eyes staring too long at her breasts.

  Creepy, she thought with a shudder. “I need a room.”

  “You all alone, sweetie?” His voice was too high-pitched for his body.

  Never let a strange guy know you’re by yourself. Her big brother taught her better than that. She thought fast and blurted out, “No, I’m here with my mom; she’s waiting in the car.”

  “That’s good.” He glanced over her again, and Grayson fought the urge to cross her arms over her chest. “It’s not safe out there for young women as pretty as you to be on their own.”

  Grayson slid her credit card across the counter, ignoring his leering eyes. “One room, two beds.”

  “You got it, pretty girl.” The clerk reached for the card before she could pull away, and his fingers brushed hers.

  Yuck.

  Key cards in hand, she was thankful to leave behind his beady eyes and made her way back out to the Jeep. She felt his gaze on her even as the Jeep pulled away from the curb.

  Creepy.

  She probably shouldn’t have stopped so late, she thought, taking the parking lot around to the back of the building. If she wasn’t about to fall asleep at the wheel, she probably would have done otherwise. Tomorrow, she would have to be smarter—drive during the day, stop for dinner, maybe.

  She needed to be safe inside before the sun went down, bottom line. That unfortunately meant not a whole lot of sleep would be happening tonight. She had been in such a rush to leave; she hadn’t planned anything out. Grayson both needed and wanted to put as much distance between her and Josh as possible.

  132 was a corner room, but when she shoved open the door—hitting friction on the carpet—she clicked on the light and groaned. It was tiny and musty, with industrial-grade furnishings and a comforter so worn it looked as old as her grandmother. On the bright side, it didn’t reek of cigarette smoke. Grayson dropped her bags on the single armchair by the window, then bolted the lock and slid the chain into place.

  She sank into the bed, exhaustion hitting her even more now that the car was no longer buzzing beneath her. She looked down at herself—she’d spilled coffee on her T-shirt somewhere near the state line, and had a dirt-stain on her jeans from getting in and out of the jeep. She realized she hadn’t showered since early that morning.

  She still smelled like Josh.

  Oh my God, EW.

  Fifteen minutes later, scrubbed twice over and in clean pajamas, Grayson fell into bed. With a thin line of light peeking from the bathroom, and the room smelling of soap, she was fast asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow.

  CHAPTER 4

  Sunlight spilled through the crack in the curtains, and Grayson groaned, rolling over to cover her face. Her neck was stiff from the flat, shapeless pillow, and the musty covers across her cheek were rough. She definitely wasn’t in her familiar bed.

  Her eyes snapped opened, and everything came rushing back. She sat up, gripping the covers for support as she looked around the tiny, drab hotel room. She really did it. It wasn’t a dream.

  She was free.

  No more Josh, no more being treated like crap—and absolutely no more tiptoeing around or pretending to be someone she wasn’t. A slow smile spread across her face, and she flopped back to the pillow, all the weight of the past three years lifting from her shoulders. She felt like screaming her excitement at the top of her lungs. Instead, she pressed both her hands to her face and smiled like a goofball.

  After basking in the exhilaration for a few moments, Grayson sat back up and stretched.

  Now what? What was that saying? This is the first day of the rest of your life or something like that. Kind of corny, but it seemed to fit her situation just perfectly.

  The first thing she had to do was contact her mom and sister. Surely, Josh had called them by now, as he always did anytime Grayson didn’t answer her phone. But she’d been gone an entire night without contact, whereas before she’d always missed just one simple phone call. So her family was probably worried to death.

  She pushed off the covers and jumped out of bed, practically skipping across the room to where her bag sat in the chair next to the door. She dug out her laptop and booted up the Mac.

  Her heart stuttered when she saw all the messages from Josh on Facebook, Skype, and Messenger. He was completely flipping out, which didn’t come as a surprise. Before she clicked off the programs, she glimpsed some of the messages, and her stomach turned.

  Where the hell are you?

  I’m going to find you, Grace.

  I told you it’s not over until I say it is!

  I’m sorry. I love you. Please come back.

  That man was worse than a damn pinball machine; his emotions were all over the place. He’d say anything to appeal to her, to get her to come back, even after threatening and putting his hands on her.

  Thankfully, he was no longer her problem.

  Grayson’s hands hovered over the keyboard as she debated on replying, but she really didn’t want to engage in any more conversations with him. She had no patience to listen to him go between groveling and rage. A clean break was the only way to do this.

  She pulled up her email account and found five emails from him. Ugh! She hit the delete button on all of them without opening them. New start, she reminded herself, a clean slate.

  First order of business, reassure her mom that she was okay. She opened a new email and typed:

  Mom,

  I just wanted to let you know, I’m headed your way. I lost my phone, so I can’t call. I need you to do me a favor. If you hear from Josh, just tell him that you haven’t heard from me. We broke up… I’ll explain when I get there. Thank you. I can’t wait to see you all.

  Love,

  G

  Then she pulled up Skype, shaking her head with a smile. Her twin sister, Luna, was going to throw a party when she heard the news. She’d hated Josh from day one. And Luna wasn’t one not to tell you “I told you so” when she was right about something.

  10/2/13 7:33 AM

  Grayson Alexander

  I know you’ll be doing the jig. I dumped Josh.

  10/2/13 7:34 A
M

  Luna Alexander

  No shit!? I’d hate to tell you I told you so, but…

  10/2/13 7:34 AM

  Grayson Alexander

  I knew you’d say that! But yes, you win this time. You called it. I left last night. I guess I’m going to Moms. I don’t know where else to go.

  10/2/13 7:35 AM

  Luna Alexander

  Yes! I’ve been here for a couple of months. Double trouble!

  Luna was at Moms? How had Grayson not known that? She was such a fool for not staying in touch with her family because of some jackass. She’d pulled away from them and her friends so much that she didn’t even know what they were doing with their lives. She couldn’t wait to be back with her family and away from his bullshit.

  10/2/13 7:35 AM

  Grayson Alexander

  You’re at Moms?

  10/2/13 7:36 AM

  Luna Alexander

  Yeah, I came to visit Ethan and didn’t want to leave. That and this place is crawling with hot guys. Who doesn’t love a man in uniform?

  Grace groaned. That was all she needed right now—her sister trying to fix her up.

  10/2/13 7:36 AM

  Grayson Alexander

  Why didn’t you tell me you left Florida?

  10/2/13 7:37 AM

  Luna Alexander

  Well, we haven’t exactly kept in close contact since you left me for Josh…I mean Arizona.

  Grayson’s shoulders slumped. What kind of twin neglected her other half for a man? She was suddenly filled with a different, altogether new type of self-loathing. First, she let herself be ruled by Joshua, in turn, making her walk away from her family. Not to mention her nearly ruined relationship with her best friend.